Originally Posted by Hammerhead
This reminds me of when I was diagnosed with cancer. I only had one surgery in my life previous to the cancer, it was my appendix. Woke up the first day of summer after graduating high school, and I was to report to my father's business for my summer job before heading off to college. Couldn't stand up straight due to the pain, and my parents both accused me of faking it so I didn't have to go to work. Ended up driving myself to the hospital, and was immediately rushed into the emergency room, my appendix burst during the operation. They never apologized for not believing me, and of course never examined their view of their son due to their potentially life threatening mistake. My dad ended up happy though, as he had dual insurance policies on me, one through his business, and one through the family, and he ended up profiting from the surgery. Still brags about that, so I guess to them fraud is a virtue. My mother recently argued with my wife that I never had my appendix taken out... Go figure.
I didn't let my parents know about my cancer situation until I was out of the hospital after the emergency resection and a week of recuperation. Due to my history with them, obviously they weren't the first people I thought of when dealing with surgery... lol...
When I did get home, I let them know. Their response was to tell me if I wanted to hurt them, I succeded. That's it. No, "are you okay" or anything. Of course, when you're recovering from cancer surgery, and wondering if the cancer spread, and whether or not you're going to need radiation or chemotherapy, it's nice to get support from your family...
Oh, and when my wife told my mother I was looking at 8 months of chemo, at approximately $2400 a week for treatments and fees, they said they wanted to help. Despite just having inherited seven figures from my grandfather's estate, they sent a set of bath towels. Some people of their generation are completely self absorbed, and the only care they show their children is to care how their children will reflect upon them. It's really quite sad...
I don't know if your dad is like mine, but for some reason my parents see men as providers, nothing more. Though I'm sure (?) in some way they do care, they're unable or unwilling to convey their feelings to either my brother or me. They can be nice to my nieces, but of course my brother and my opinion of what's nice is clearly pretty low when it comes to them. Things have changed since their generation, and being a part of your children's life, and your wife's should be priority number one. Sounds like you get that or you wouldn't be in conflict.
Life changes are always disruptive, good luck with your situation, and good luck reaching some sort of compromise with your parents. Hopefully what you're going through will help you avoid these kinds of conflicts with your kids when they get older...
Damn brother, that's sobering...but our situations are similar.
Originally Posted by mb67
Hammer, You have been through an awful lot. I truly hope that the cancer is completely gone and that you can go forward in life without further maladies.
@ Buck: I sincerely hope that your situation improves and that you will find the balance and harmony that you need.
That also applies to everyone here, so please know that there is someone in Biloxi MS is rooting for each and everyone of you out there.
Originally Posted by Fidget
tell him its not for you and you want quality of life more than a title and a miserable life you would have to lead for it.
and then tell him you know someone (me) who would be more than happy to start as a jr VP at a large pharmaceutical co if he really wants someone to take that type of job.
This is in-line with what my brother and I will eventually tell him. (yep, my bro is also on the "open your eyes" boat). First time we've ever agreed on something....
To everyone else thanks for the support. For a little update, my mother gave me a buzz last night. Gave me the opportunity to clarify my convictions quite a bit.
Told her that just about every conversation the boys had with the ole man over the past 10 or so years seemed to be palgued with negativity. The whole "I'm happy for you, BUT...
" finally took it's toll - said I was gonna send him back all those Zig Zigler books to revisit. Remarkably, the conversation overall was positive.
Feeling pretty good about whole situation now. The move isn't 100% just yet, will find out more about that next week. But it's looking good...
Already got the plans for the retirement home in hand. Wife and I are pretty jazzed about that. Also decided to turn the mountain home into a rental since we'll be 9 hours away.