Dammit, Wooster. Do I have to hold your hand through this. Oh well, for that sweet laptop, I guess I'll do it. Alright, assuming you're in the U.S., here's what you do.
1. Go into http://www.dellcustomercare.com/
2. Click on the "Home and Home Office" link.
3. There're various icons (Solutions, Customer Care, etc.) The chat function is always one of the bottoms ones... could be left or right and is represented by the keyboard keys "c", "h", "a", "t". Cute. It's usually open, but if it's full, just sit around and refresh a couple times.
If it still doesn't work... then, yes. Yes, they are hiding it from you.