;(The Wait!!The Wait.
You know what I heard? You’re not gonna like it! I heard that the 7700 pictures over at the AW site..., well it's just a concept picture. It's not even real. It started off as a joke, a cruel and sadistic joke . Someone made a mistake at AW. A mistake that just. . . [emotional pause]. And once they pushed that “send” button there was no turning back.
Now look at what you’ve become. Just look at yourselves – the endless wait. I can see you now, through your web cams. You sit there, rocking back and forth in your computer chairs, nervous twitch in your right eye, drool dripping from the corner of your lips, eyes locked on your screen, Talking to it, shouting at it, breaking up with it. Mind just shot all to hell, worrying over a dream of a bigger and better lappy. I get all choked up just thinking about it.
But fear not, someone cares about your condition. As a result of this crazy “phase thread,” The Institute of Schizophrenic Multiple Personally Deviant Obsessive Behaviors has decided to conduct an experiment. They want to measure the limits of human patients, specifically, of cockeyed high-stung geeks seeking a fix on the next advancement on super duper high-end laptops.
And as a thank you gift, you’ll all be receiving a year supply of Prozac Plus – a name you can trust. Prozac Plus has the added feature of “Blue Screen Vacation.” With Prozac Plus, along with the makers of The Blue Screen of Death, (what, you didn’t think that the blue screen was unintentional, did you?), your brain picks up the subliminal; frequency light patterns from your screen and sends you to your very own “private vacation.” This way you can dream on. . . and maybe marry your lappy.
So at least there’s good new, somewhere in all this.