Originally Posted by strawnman
How about this?
Customer: Hello, I bought one of your damn laptop 9300's a few weeks ago. Since then this piece of garbage has been a real short circuit for me.
Dell: Explain what happened from the beginning.
Customer: Well apparently I got a working laptop, the funny media thinga ma jig worked and played a few reels of my porn on cd. That was cool. But then I went to test out the wifi and it was slow. I went to www.notebookforums.com and those fellas told me to reformat my hdd, so I took the damn thing apart looking for the hdd. Well after googling a little bit I found that hdd and then took my professional magnet to it and erased the whole thing. Then I couldn't get all the screws in all the holes as I put it back together. So I left those out, and there has been some rattling ever since.
Dell: Oh My!. (whispering, I don't think I am qualified to take this call!)
Customer: Yeah! And to make matters worse, I didn't have an OS or OX or some confondeled what'cha ma call'it, so I borrowed my son's Linux cd and popped it in. Everying went well but now I can't get that media program to play my porn. Back to Google I went and I found I needed some corn kernels of some sort that were 2.6.11x. That my little fellow is alot of kernels.
Dell: Linus Kernels? I am not sure I have met him. I am checking your warranty and it doesn't have anything about accidents dealing with corn.
Customer: Well if you thought that was bad, my 4 year old child heard Linux Corn Kernels and he decided to pop the lappy into my oven sized microwave. He put it on popcorn and the damn thing looks like a nuclear melt down. I heard on notebookforums that this actually enhanced the laptop, but I tell you now sir, this molten mass is not playing my porn cd's anymore.
Dell: Well under your contract your voided your contract when you fist opened the box and played your porn cd. So we would have sent you a replacement had you not done that, but can I interest you in a new m600?
Customer: Are you serious? Hell no! How am I going to play my cd's now?
Dell: I am not sure sir but thank you for calling, my name is Bob and your service reference number is 000PPP5-ICU-NTRBLE-000000. Thank you for calling Dell and have a good day.